Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
