she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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