I just pynch a tree in the face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
