My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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