it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
