she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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