I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there is glitter all over my balls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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