Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
