dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
