addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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