he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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