guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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