I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
