The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
