pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
