No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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