Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We left the knife in your bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
