I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
