Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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