I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
