my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
