help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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