don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
