Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
