I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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