My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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