theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love having hate sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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