I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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