I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
