Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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