sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
a search helicopter?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
