Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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