He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
