so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alive.
So much puke
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
