life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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