I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did i walk over a car last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
