Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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