I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have post one night stand depression
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
