I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
