I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
