If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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