Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
