Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I looked at my own cervix.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
