i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
