I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
