when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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