i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
