I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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