Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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