Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
