Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
