Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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