There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
