Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
